Attack Of The Clones (2002) - The one I can’t stomach to watch again

After the… generally unimpressed reactions to Episode 1, you’d have thought George Lucas and his team would’ve aimed to return Star Wars to the style that many loved about the original films. But instead, we got the most bland, boring and frustrating entry in the franchise. Having a romantic plot be the driving force in a film is fine, especially since we had Leia and Han in the original trilogy, but two things would help this be more enjoyable here.

First and foremost, actually have actors that can create believable and natural chemistry. Regardless of his previous work or his work after Star Wars, Hayden Christensen is being poorly directed here, and doesn’t seem to be making any effort to act. Everything is so one note and bland, that I couldn’t tell how the character was meant to feel. And because of this, poor Natalie Portman is left stranded as she tries to have chemistry with someone who sounds more like a robot than the actual robots in this film. However, despite his vocal performance being pretty poor, Christensen’s facial expressions are top notch. Get him to deliver a moment without speaking, and he can deliver so much emotion, or make the audience feel really intimidated.

The other big problem with this plot is the fact that there’s no intriguing build up to their romantic connection. Think of all the flirtatious arguing and banter between Han and Leia. The brilliantly built up will they, won’t they structure of their narrative really invested people in their relationship. We don’t have anything like that in this film. We have some clique light hearted picnic banter and an extremely cringe worthy chat about sand. Excellent idea, Anakin! That really gets the ladies interested in you!

Ultimately thou, I will give props to Lucas for continuing to be imaginative with some of his locations. As well as continuing to push forward the new technology wherever he could. It’s surprising to learn about all the practical effects in the prequel trilogy. The big problem however was the digital compositing when blending these effects with the actors and any other effects. Even sets like the execution arena and the planet, Kamino that many would assume were CG turn out to be miniature effects. But because of the sleek and clean art direction, nothing feels lived in, especially when nearly every droid and clone you see is a computer generated image. So no, Lucas didn’t overly rely on CG for these films, the problems came from how the real effects got blended with the CG ones. And ultimately, without Lucas’ pioneering work on CGI, films may be very different looking today.

My biggest praise as before with Phantom Menace goes to John Williams and his incredible score. Despite many claims of plagiarism, Williams’ work still brings about a sense of wonder, suspense and adventure that many composers can only dream of. It’s easy to remember the Star Wars theme, Superman’s original Theme or the Raider’s March from Indiana Jones. I can’t think of another composer where I can name as many of their memorable themes as I can with Williams. I will admit, this score is the least incredible of all 9 scores he’s done for Star Wars. It has some incredible moments, and really does it’s best to sell us on the more lacklustre moments. However, despite my praise, I’ve never felt compelled to go and listen to it a lot. I can find the intrigue to go and listen to certain tracks from all Star Wars films, but less so with this one.

Ultimately, Attack Of The Clones is more of the same that we saw in Phantom Menace. Boring story, lifeless chemistry, wooden acting and art direction and effects that don’t make the world feel real and lived in. I admire Lucas for boldly sticking to his vision, but sadly, this is not a film I don’t look back fondly on. Not even the surprising practical work and wonderful music can make me forget the cringe worthy sand banter.

SCORES

Story - 0/5

Characters - 0/5

Production - 3/5

Acting - 0/5

Music - 4/5

TOTAL - 2.8/10