Cats (2019) - Me-OWW That was god awfully painful!

I’ve had many painful movie experiences. Fifty Shades Of Grey and The Emoji Movie to name but a few, but these were nowhere near as painful and frustrating to watch as the recent adaptation of Cats. And it’s primarily down to the look and design of the cast, which is the stuff of nightmares. The imposed CG work on the cast has barely improved from the hideous CG looks from the trailer. What was the problem with costumes and make up?

The plot was run of the mill and an absolute bore. I had no interest in any of the characters, who were horrendously dull. And you can forget hairballs, cause these atrocious monstrosities are horn-balls. Every movement from the cast made it look like they wanted to make love to one another. If I wanted to see that, I’d watch Love Island! How the hell the BBFC approved this for a U rating is beyond me!

The film as a whole felt highly inappropriate for the rating given. Who wants to see a cat holding their tail like a male private part? Nobody! Who wants to see Dame Judy Dench with her legs wide open? No thank you! The number of young children at my screening concerned me as I would never let someone below 13 see this film! But if you ask me, nobody should be subjected to this torment.

I will admit 3 songs were done well, (one obviously being the one sung by Taylor Swift) but beyond that the cast did nothing for me. Not even heart throb, Idris Elba could save this train wreck. Most songs felt pointless, overly long and infuriating to sit through!

Cats has nothing to offer except ugly CG effects, subpar songs and a plot which is dull as dish water. I wouldn’t force this upon my worst enemy. Do yourself a favour, and avoid this film at all costs! There’s far better musicals out there, and they don’t need CG cats pasted onto their actors to get your interest!

SCORES

Story - 0/5

Characters - 0/5

Production - 1.5/5

Performances - 1/5

Music - 2/5

Total - 1/10 (AVOID)